From Sorrow, Born Hope
by Seshat3
Summary: Even in sorrow, hearts can hold on to hope. Warning: Character death!


_A/N:__ The author of this work does not in any way profit from the story. All creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator(s). __**CSI:Crime Scene Investigation**__ is the property of CB._

_This story was inspired by the song 'The Change' __written by Tony Arata and Wayne Tester as performed by Garth Brooks__. This was written for the Nick Fic Song Challenge, and is a departure from my usual CSI universe (the one I'm building in Follow the Evidence)._

_Warning: Heavy angst_

**From Sorrow, Born Hope**

Through a haze of tears Catherine looked out at a sea of faces. Standing at the front of a packed church she registered blobs of colour, sombre blacks and muted browns. The blur intensified before clearing as she blinked, tears falling to splash on her cheeks.

She gripped the podium in front of her, fingers white as she tried and failed to speak. She couldn't get the words past her grief; the lump in her throat was painfully heavy, her aching eyes once again misted over.

The room was hushed, muffled sobs and quiet coughs the only sounds breaking the silence. Catherine looked around the room again, taking a deep breath and trying to find strength in the comforting looks of her friends.

How Gil had been able to speak before her she wasn't certain, but suddenly she was overcome with a wave of sorrow so palpable her knees buckled.

"I…I can't," she breathed in a sob, covering her mouth with a trembling hand. She looked out into the crowded church, searching restlessly until she met a pair of warm brown eyes, pained and full of concern. Catherine backed away from the podium, shaking her head, dislodging tears from her eyes that clung to her lashes. She was barely aware of the two men who leapt from their seats to approach her. A pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around her, gently leading her away and back to her seat while Jim Brass took her place at the podium.

Staring down at the page Catherine had left behind Jim cleared his throat. Catherine's normally crisp writing was shaky, but he could still read the words. He cleared his throat a second time then began to speak, voice husky with grief.

"The world won't be the same without Nick."

Catherine broke then, turning her face into Gil Grissom's shoulder, tears flowing freely. Gil's arm tightened around her as she sobbed.

Jim paused, tugging at his collar with one finger as though it could ease the tightness in his throat and release the heaviness in his chest.

"As a CSI Nick was one of the best," Jim read on "dedicated, passionate and meticulous. But more importantly he was unshakeable in his hope and compassion."

Jim stopped reading as the sheer truth of Catherine's words struck him. He could see their effect on the people who had known Nick best. Greg was hunched over, shaking hands covering his face. Sara; leaning into Gil's free shoulder, eyes red-rimmed and swollen. Ray, rubbing his eye with one finger under his glasses. And Riley, hands clenched together in her lap, knuckles white with strain.

Jim shook his head, blinking away sudden tears as he continued.

"I couldn't have asked for a better friend than Nick. He was loyal, caring and sympathetic. He wasn't afraid to feel for the victims and the innocent. His empathy made him a better CSI. I have never known a better and more admirable man."

A strangled sob sounded from the front pew. Nick's mother, clutching a tissue as she shook with grief choked back another cry. Nick's father pulled her close, his own face stoic though his jaw was clenched and his throat working furiously. The judge nodded at Jim, silently urging him to continue.

"Nick had a rare gift. Hope. Hope that he made a difference in the world, even when he was told he could never change it. Hope that by being his best and giving his all he might save a lost soul."

The rustle of movement caught Jim's attention. It seemed that every head had turned, all eyes on a young girl who sat near the front of the church, silent tears streaming down her face. Haloed by sunlight filtered through stained glass she hugged her body with thin arms. One hand fluttered to her throat in an unconscious gesture, fingers lightly stroking the faint scar that had healed but would never disappear.

Jim turned away from the microphone and coughed, still trying to ease the constriction of his throat. He coughed again then turned back to continue Catherine's eulogy.

"Crime scene investigators know more than anyone else how much hatred rages in the world. But in the face of that rage Nick held on to love and mercy. Nick was a living example of the power of hope. He had a steadfast belief that the world, full of death and madness, could not touch him. Would not change him. Even when his own life was threatened he held on. Nick taught me that as long as…" Jim's voice broke as his eyes skimmed over the rest of the line; he halted his reading to look at Catherine who straightened under his gaze. Eyes shining with tears, and a measure of pride, she mouthed the words in silent encouragement.

Jim took a deep shuddering breath then continued in a strained voice. "As long as one heart holds on, then hope is never really gone."

Jim's voice finally cracked as his throat closed on the last word. He folded up Catherine's speech in a soft rustle of paper, tucking it into his pocket. Shoulders drooping he left the podium to return to his seat.

There was a full minute of silence in the sun filled church before it was broken by the mournful drone of a single bagpipe playing a funeral dirge. At the signal 6 men moved forward; Gil, Greg, Dave and Hodges, Ray and Jim to bear Nick's flag draped coffin on shoulders already heavy with grief. They made their slow, stumbling way outside and as they emerged from the church a cloud passed over the sun, shrouding the world in a cloak of grey and cold. Mourners filed outside to watch as the pallbearers delivered their awful burden to a waiting hearse.

Catherine stepped outside, a lone figure in the crowd. Gil and Greg immediately came to her side, Greg draping an arm around her shoulders, Gil taking her cold hand in his. As they stood in front of the church, watching as wreath after wreath was heaped over the hearse, the sun broke away from its shroud, shining brilliantly and bathing the crowd in warmth.

Catherine shook her hair from her eyes and gulped back a sob. Beside her Greg took a deep breath, squeezing her shoulder in silent comfort. She looked around at the remnants of her team, diminished now with the loss of Nick.

Ray and Riley were quietly talking. Wendy, leaning into Hodges with his arm draped protectively around her shoulders. Doc Robbins and Dave; making their slow way to one of the funeral cars. Archie, Bobby, Mandy and Henry huddled in a close group, murmuring amongst themselves.

They were all grieving. They had all been touched by Nick's presence in their lives, were now torn by his sudden loss.

The sun's warmth seemed to strengthen and as Catherine looked around her she knew beyond any doubt that they were all better people for having known a man as incredible as Nick. She felt a stirring of hope in her grief stricken heart, saw the same hope reflected in Greg's eyes, sensed it in the set of Doc's shoulders. She heard it in the quiet whisper of conversation between Riley and Ray and the lab rats who had moved to join them.

She saw it in young Cassie, who had found Sara before the service and quietly informed her that she was going to become a CSI, just like Nick. The evidence was all around that Nick not only touched lives, but inspired them as well.

Catherine smiled through her tears as she realised that in a crowd of mourners, there was more than one heart holding on to hope. Her grief, though painful and raw, seemed easier to bear as she knew Nick's legacy and memory would live on.

Nick's amazing spirit would live on in all of them.

***

_A/N: __Reviews are appreciated! Even if you hate me for this, try to say it nicely please!_


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